Getting Unstuck
Do you often find yourself wanting to do something and then find you don't take action? Despite your best intentions, when the time comes to act, you retreat, rather than move forward? Perhaps the thing you want to do feels hard - it brings up feelings of discomfort so rather than leaning into it, you pull back?
For example, you may want to say 'no' to something but end up saying 'yes' to avoid the consequences of rocking the boat. Or you may hold back from speaking up to avoid the discomfort of the spotlight, or hesitate to put yourself forward for an opportunity to avoid the possibility of failing.
You then either find yourself rationalising why you didn't act, or you live with consistent feelings of frustration, telling yourself you'll do better next time. You re-commit only to find that courage eludes you once again in the moments that matter.
You end up feeling stuck.
It's a pattern that's haunted me for much of my personal life. Getting stuck, finding excuses, feeling frustrated, getting stuck...
But it's not the big things that have presented the greatest challenge. As nervous as I would get when being interviewed by mainstream media for example, I could still go ahead and perform the interview. It's the small, everyday moments that have challenged me the most. The consistent opportunities that pass by because I haven't found the courage to speak up, step forward, or open up and share more of myself.
So how do you build your capacity to take action?
One of the challenges with consistently not taking action is that over time it becomes a habit. Habits in turn are hard to break, and when they stick, they become a reflection of who you are and who you believe yourself to be.
In his book Atomic Habits, James Clear highlights the problem with this. He says your behaviours reflect your identity. The more deeply a thought or action is tied to your identity, the more difficult it is to change it. This means that when you want to change long held habits, what you're actually trying to do is change your identity. No wonder it can be hard!
The good news is however, that these two things go hand in hand. When you change your identity, that is, the beliefs you have about yourself, it's easier to change your habits. Conversely, when you change your habits, you start to see yourself differently - you start to evolve and change your identity.
To create change therefore it helps if you can change the way you see yourself.
Applying this to the courage to take action, one of the unhelpful beliefs that can get in the way is that you see yourself as smaller than you actually are. I don't mean physically but rather, smaller in capacity.
If you can demonstrate to yourself that your capacity to be courageous is greater than you thought it was, you begin to evolve your identity. You start to become someone who can take action in the face of discomfort.
One way to do this is to commit to undertaking small, daily actions that stretch your boundaries - what I call 'Everyday Dares'.
Everyday Daring
Everyday daring is about pushing yourself just enough to feel slightly uncomfortable while taking action. It's also about doing it in a fun and non-threatening way to build the muscle of courage. This enables you to take action consistently which in turn helps to expand your sense of who you are and what you are capable of doing.
Stretching yourself out of your comfort zone daily helps do three things:
You start to see you can do more than you thought – you gain evidence that you can take action even though you may be feeling uncomfortable.
You gain confidence to step into new arenas – you take more chances and begin to see that your fears often don’t match reality.
You develop the habit of breaking through barriers that usually hold you back.
Just like a dancer who consistently stretches their body to achieve new poses, you can stretch yourself daily through small, do-able dares and upskill in courage.
To set yourself a daily dare, pick small things that are do-able, but not usual, for yourself. Here’s a few examples:
Sing or hum when you walk into the office
Wear a brighter coloured top
Don’t wear black for a whole week
Ask someone what’s their most peculiar trait
Wave hello to a stranger
Eat something you've never tried before
By challenging yourself to get out of your comfort zone regularly, you create the opportunity to expand your concept of who you are, to get closer to your authentic self and to reveal the depths of your capacity to take action.
As Nelson Mandela said "I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it."
