How to Stop Worrying What Others Think

Connect to Your Purpose

Last week I ran a poll on social media asking people "what's the main barrier that stops you speaking up at work?"

The most popular response? 

"Worrying what other people will think".

This isn't surprising.

When we speak we're literally opening ourselves up and exposing ourselves to the world.  This openness can trigger concern about what others will think about what it is that we have to say.

Depending on the situation, the nature of the conversation, and the people you're with, you may relate.  There may have been times where you've found yourself worrying about the consequences of disagreeing with someone, about being criticised or rejected, or about the implications of rocking the boat. As a result, you may have found yourself remaining silent, hesitating or filtering your words through a voice of pretence. 

While this can be personally frustrating, it's also understandable. As humans we have a strong desire to belong, to fit in and be part of the group so the fear of exposing your inner thoughts, ideas and opinions can hold you back.

The flip side however is that the ability to speak up at work signals your leadership readiness. You're seen as more proactive, influential and gain more respect. You also reduce the mental stress associated with keeping things to yourself and this gives you more personal freedom and better health and wellbeing.

So how do you get past the worry about what other people think and free yourself up to speak up?

Developing self-belief, self-connection and self-compassion are 3 key areas to work on.  When you can elevate these aspects of yourself it becomes much easier to consistently show up as your authentic self without worrying about what others think.  However, depending on where you're starting from, having strong self-belief, connection and compassion can take time to develop. 

In the meantime therefore, I thought I'd share one idea that I find particularly useful as it's easy to implement immediately. In fact you can start thinking and acting on it today.  It's an idea inspired by one of my favourite quotes from Mark Manson, author of the best selling book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck where he says: 

"You will stop caring what other people think about you when you have something more important in your life than what other people think".

What he's saying is that when you spend more time doing things that are purposeful and meaningful to you, you'll spend less time worrying about what other people think. 

You can get a feel for this by taking a moment to consider a time when you've been doing something you really love - where you've been so engrossed in what you were doing that you didn't care what others were thinking.

This happens to me when I'm making videos.  I love the challenge of crafting a message and trying to communicate it in a way that lands with people.  When I'm making a video, I'm not concerned what other people think. I'm totally enrolled in what I'm doing so if someone interrupts me, or asks me to do something for them, it's easy for me to speak up and say what needs to be said without worrying about what they think.

I wonder if you can relate?  Do you have activities that are so meaningful to you that you don't care what others think when you are doing them? You're so much in the flow that nothing else matters.

The key is to plan for more of this in your life.  More time in devotion, meaning and purpose.  More time in joy and connection to the things that set your soul on fire.

This won't solve the challenge altogether but it will increase the time you spend worrying less about what others think.  It provides an inroad into practising being more of your authentic self and gives you a feel for what that's like.  Just like learning to ride a bike, the more you practise, the better you become.