Taking Up Space
How to make your presence felt
Feeling uncomfortable taking up space gets in the way of communicating confidently and having your voice heard.
I was reminded of this recently while running a training programme for a group of female executives.
During one of the sessions, we went through an activity that required each person to speak for 30 seconds.
I was concerned, with 28 people in the room, that we would run out of time for everyone to speak.
However the opposite occured.
More of the participants used significantly less time than the allocated 30 seconds. Some spoke for as little as 12 seconds before hurriedly sitting down and handing the floor to the next person.
The experience was a reminder about how common it is to feel uncomfortable taking up space - even if the environment is safe.
There are many reasons why this occurs.
Research in psychology shows if you were constantly criticised or made to feel small by early mentors in your life, you may doubt yourself and your worth and find it more comfortable to stay quiet and avoid attention.
Similarly, if people close to you have been controlling and always telling you what to do, it may be harder to have clarity around your thoughts making it challenging to speak on the spot.
And if you've spent a significant amount of time around emotionally volatile people you may have a fear around being criticised when you speak which in turn, makes it safer to remain out of the spotlight, hiding in the safety of silence.
All of these influences can make it more challenging to feel comfortable taking up space and holding attention.
However, as poet and author Becca Lee said:
"The ocean does not apologize for its depth and the mountains do not seek forgiveness for the space they take and so, neither shall I."
If you can relate, here are three practises to help you get comfortable taking up space and building your presence.
1. Don't respond immediately to phone notifications.
When you’re interrupted by a beeping phone, practise not responding straight away. Take time and give yourself the space to stay focused on what you're doing and to check the message when it suits you.
2. Take up all of your physical space.
If you're in a crowded lift or train, stand strong and stay where you are. Don't shrink to let others in, or apologise for taking up space. Similarly, when you're on a plane or in a theatre, put your elbows on the arm rest and take up all the space you can in your chair.
3. Tallk slowly and deliberately.
Take the time you need to recall your message, say all that you want to say and get your point across. Watch politicians using the power of slow speech and deliberate pauses and try this out for yourself. Hold people's attention by speaking for longer than you usually would. Notice, and stay with the discomfort until it starts to subside.
Getting comfortable taking up space will help grow your confidence, build your influence and ultimately, help you have your presence felt and your voice heard.