Access Points to Confidence #12 - Practise Self-Compassion

The way you speak to yourself on the inside has a huge influence on if, and how, you express yourself on the outside.

If your inner dialogue is dragging you down, the energy you carry will be different to when your self-talk is lifting you up.

When you truly understand the connection, your commitment to treating yourself with grace and compassion is strengthened.  And this is a superpower when it comes confidence and voice.

If confidence is an attribute that helps you take action, compassion is the safety nett that catches you if you fall.

Self-compassion drives confidence by enabling you to take the risks that build it.

While you might think of self-compassion as talking to yourself kindly (one of it’s key characteristics), Dr Kristen Neff in her book Fierce Self Compassion says self-compassion is both tender and fierce.

Tender and Fierce Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is tender when it harnesses the energy of nurturing, and fierce when it harnesses the energy of action. Both serve to alleviate the suffering that arises from negative self-talk and used together, they manifest as a caring force.

Caring for yourself, expressed as standing up for yourself when you need to, not allowing others to interupt or dominate you, and taking action to keep yourself safe are part of fierce self-compassion.

Research shows this lesser known aspect of self-compassion is connected to greater feelings of empowerment and therefore greater self-confidence.

Practising Self-Compassion

Building the muscle of self-compassion - both tenderly and fiercely - requires practise. It’s something to embrace time and time again, particularly at points when you feel you’ve let yourself down, you’ve fallen into a crevice of comparison, or pulled yourself out of the race before you got started.

Here are a few ideas that may be useful:

  • Recognise your inherent value. You don’t need to do anything, get anywhere or be anyone other than yourself - being you is enough.

  • Swap harsh self-criticism for kindness and understanding. Be an inspiring and supportive coach to yourself.

  • Notice when you’re comparing yourself to others and tune into your attributes and achievements. Swap comparison for recognition and gratitude.

  • Acknowledge your feelings - turn toward them - and be loving toward yourself in response.

  • Give yourself the grace to be imperfect. See your flaws not as inadequacies but as a reminder that just like the rest of us, you’re human.

  • Notice when you’re intuition reacts and take note of what it’s communicating. Resist the temptation to let it go and rather, take action in response.

  • Ask yourself regularly ‘what do I need right now'?’

    This helps you tune into what the moment is calling you to do to care for yourself properly.

When you speak from this place of imperfect self-compassion, your voice will be heard, and your message will land.

Being both tenderly and fiercely self-compassionate toward yourself is Access Point #12 in this series of 12 ideas toward greater self-confidence. I hope you’ve found value in the series.

Sharon Natoli