Give Yourself Permission

Speak without waiting 

Earlier this week I was running a training session on speaking with confidence and growing your influence and as a group, we were brainstorming the barriers that get in the way of speaking up. One of the participants shared a key challenge she faces is waiting for someone to give her permission.

Her tendency is to remain silent until invited or asked to contribute, or she will wait for a break in the conversation then ask for permission to speak.

When sharing this there were quite a few nods around the virtual table. It seems waiting for permission is a common barrier we face.

In her book Power, author Kemi Nekvapil highlights why this happens. She says asking for permission is something we're trained to do at a very early age.  We are constantly encouraged to ask:

'Can I climb the tree?' 

'Can I do this project?'

'Can I order ice-cream?'

I remember as a child having to ask permission to leave the dinner table. "Please may I leave the table?" is a phrase that all these years later still rolls easily off my tongue (but I no longer ask - I just leave (carrying my dirty dishes of course)). 

The habit of asking permission can be useful if you're genuinely unsure.  However when it comes to contributing your voice in a meeting or conversation or asking for something you need, waiting for permission means you're likely to find yourself doing just that.....waiting.

Waiting your turn, waiting for an answer, waiting to take action.

If that permission is not granted you miss out.

Your voice is not heard.

Your ideas are not shared.

Your needs are not met.

Nekvapil says:

"In so many situations internal permission is what we need, not permission from some external power."

This fortnight's newsletter therefore serves as a simple reminder.  You no longer need to wait.

You have permission to speak.

Start sharing, asking, acting, doing and putting yourself forward.