Letting Go of Guilt
Set yourself free
Next week I will be moving house.
It's a big move as I will be shifting out of the area I've been living in for the past 15 years. I'm not moving into a specific place but rather, allowing myself time to float, explore and find out where I want to settle next.
One of the consequences of this decision is the need to resign from a number of roles I have as a member of local leadership groups. I will also no longer be around to look after my neighbours dog when she goes away for work.
Preparing for the move I noticed how reluctant I was to share my news. It took longer than necessary to let others know.
Reflecting on why, I realised the voice in my head was telling me stories about how my leaving will be letting people down.
As a ‘good-girl-people-pleasing-nice-person’ I was in avoidance. Procrastinating on what I thought was a 'hard' thing to do.
The inner chatter was running riot, highlighting how inconvenient it would be for other members of the leadership groups to take on more work. And how my neighbour would feel with one less ‘auntie’ to look after her dog.
My inner people pleaser was making up stories about how bad it was to be letting people down.
I was feeling guilty.
Guilt, however, is strong emotion that gets in the way of taking action.
In her book The High Five Habit, author Mel Robbins likens guilt to putting reigns on a horse. She says imagine your spirit is a beautiful stallion who wants nothing more than to feel it's own power, strength and speed. It wants to race across a field with the sun on its back and the wind in its mane but the reigns of guilt are pulling tight, slowing it down and eventually stopping it where it stands.
Guilt is a barrier to freedom. It holds you back from living in alignment with your authentic self. It stops you making the necessary decisions and taking the critical actions that help you walk the path of your truth.
With this awareness, I started speaking up and sharing my news.
As expected, there was disappointment. Many people said they were sad to see me go. But they didn't reject or punish me. They immediately backed up their disappointment with expressions of gratitude, excitement and well wishes for my onward journey. Phew!
So how do we speed up our ability to take action? To let go of guilt and reduce the gap between knowing what we want and doing what we need to? Here are three things that have helped over these past few weeks:
1. Noticing it. As always, change begins with awareness. Bringing the feeling of guilt into your conscious awareness helps you see it, and from there, you can begin to tackle it.
2. Reminding yourself of your intention. Your intention is unlikely to hurt or disappoint people. It's likely connected with something you want and need. Following your truth and taking action to meet your needs is how you create a life you love.
3. Allowing people to express their disappointment. Knowing that disappointment can co-exist with care and compassion is helpful. When people feel disappointed with a decision you're making, it doesn't mean they are rejecting you.
It's impossible to go through life and not hurt or disappoint people you care about. But if you allow guilt to stop you, it will hurt and disappoint you. As scared as you may be, the story in your head is likely to be just that - a story.
Now, back to the packing.