Ordinary Barbie
Embracing Enough-ness
Last weekend, along with thousands of others, I took myself to see the Barbie movie.
I'd received many recommendations to go - and it didn't disappoint. There were many truths, eye rolling moments and humorous cultural reflections. One that I found most compelling was the moment Gloria, an employee at Mattel who rescues Barbie from the "real" world, suggests to the CEO they consider making an “ordinary Barbie”.
She says Ordinary Barbie’s main reason for being would be to simply get through the day feeling kind of okay.
I love this idea because it fly’s in the face of everything we’re encouraged to want, have and be. And so much of what Barbie stands for.
Ordinary Barbie is a Counter-Cultural Idea
Ordinary Barbie is counter to the commonly upheld ideal of striving to be beautiful, ambitious, and own lots of campervans as a way to be valued, noticed and accepted.
The ideals of physical beauty, having a good job and owning lots of stuff predominates in our day to day to lives.
Think about the number of ads you’ve seen suggesting you might be better off if you had whiter teeth, lost weight, bought a bigger TV, went on an amazing holiday or invested in a new car to hug the corners of the Scandinavian mountains you’re going to drive up once you own it.
The culture perpetuates the idea that stereotypical Barbie personifies - that is, that an extraordinary life is a valuable life.
The Risk of Koinophobia
If you’re sensitive to this and absorb these messages, you can end up with an internalised, but sometimes unconscious, fear of being ordinary – a condition the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows calls Koinophobia (Etymology: From Greek koinos, "common, ordinary, stripped of specialness" + phobia, "fear".)
You’ll know you have it if you can’t stand the thought of leading an average life. It’s hands down the worst thing that could happen to you.
When looked at more closely, Koinophobia springs from lack of self acceptance - the inability to be with yourself without the external bells and whistles you think you need to make you ok.
Brene Brown in her book Daring Greatly points this out. She says the obsession we have with looking good in front of others, when viewed through the lens of vulnerability, is the shame-based fear of being ordinary.
The shame of being yourself - without any attachments.
Shame Lurks in the Shadows
This shame lurks in the shadows and can be hard to see. It’s disguised as acceptable ambition, acceptable fashionability, acceptable investment in the latest gadgets, or an acceptable social media feed full of amazing holiday experiences.
All of these things are clues that the real you could be hidden behind a mask. Rather than expressing yourself authentically, you’re fitting in with the crowd.
While it’s safe, the cost to your happiness is high.
In a recent article by The School of Life, the authors highlighted that striving to be extraordinary is never going to create a happy life. It’s finding pleasure and dignity in the smaller tasks of life (weeding the garden; doing the washing up) where we begin to create a life to be envied.
There is value in embracing ‘ordinary' as an access point to happiness and authenticity, rather than seeing it as some sort of failure, or striving to get away from it.
Ordinary Barbie would likely be the happiest Barbie – contented with getting through the day, feeling ok, being her authentic self and knowing that’s enough.
Liberate Yourself from the Need to be Extraordinary
Here's a few practises to help liberate yourself from the drive to be extraordinary and find contentment in the ordinary:
Practise gratitude – each day find three things you’re grateful for.
Live in the now – notice when you fixate on what you believe is needed for you to be happy. Take a deep breath, connect to your surroundings, and appreciate what's already there.
Listen gracefully – quiet your mind and give the person, the birds, or the sound of the waves, your full attention.
Slow down – walk at a slower pace, sit for longer, do one thing at a time.
Use your senses – smell the roses, touch the earth, stare out the window and take in the scenery.
Cut down your ‘to-do’ list and give yourself time to 'be'.
An extraordinary life lies in being who you are, as you are, and finding contentment in the here and now. An extraordinary life arises when you embrace the ordinary.